Once more I find myself unable to sleep with only a few hours left until I have to get up and work. It sucks. There is medication that will help, but I can never get it regulated properly. And there are other things, like tea and aromatherapy, but I seem to forget a lot to get that going in time…now it’s too late.
Other medication is a problem too. I cannot control my emotions at all. The antidepressant only helps me not smash people with my cane and keeps me from just sleeping through every workday. The higher dose used to keep my anger and other emotions in check, and add some Xanax and I could actually talk to people. But then I found that was a problem too.
On that much meds, I didn’t want to write. I didn’t want to read. I didn’t want to do anything I enjoy. Basically, I wasn’t myself. I imagine that most people I know would like me to go back on them. I would rather they just go jump in a lake and let me be.
So…I don’t sleep much or sometimes I sleep too much. I loose control of myself when I’m mad or upset. I don’t let stupid arguments go. Oh well, to know me is to love me. Good thing I work at home…actually, that’s part of why I work at home.
Medical marijuana helps. However, as long as the stupid as Christie is around, it will remain too expensive, only available in bud form, and just not what I want most of the time. What’s wrong with the edibles? Or oil? That way i wouldn’t have to smoke it. I have enough problems without completely ruining my lungs too.
The completely legal CBD oil seems to help a little. I think I will get into the habit of vaping a lot more. I think if I can make that a habit, maybe I will be good with that, the tea, some vodka, and some meditation music. Well, not too much vodka…at least not when I have to work the next day.
I am not one to really stick to a routine…or a topic when I’m up at 5 a.m. apparently…or I would really get one down with meditation, tea, or whatever, and I’d probably sleep better. But I just don’t. I don’t like routines. I get bored. Many holistic methods are too regimented that way for me. Oh well. I’m happy the way I am for now. i’ll have to see what happens.
I am one of the lucky ones. I still work full time because I am able to work at home. I am also super lucky to be married to a great guy. I read a lot of people’s stories about their significant other isn’t interested, doesn’t help, or is outright abusive to them. I feel so bad. I’m not saying my husband is perfect, but he is pretty great with everything. He does the food shopping because I can only shop for a little while and not for a lot of stuff, especially if it’s heavy. He’s not demanding at all, so I don’t have to worry about doing anything I can’t.
I think I had some other things to say today, but now the sun looks like it’s poking it’s head up and I guess that means I’d better figure out how to stay up to work.
Until next time…